My ex isn't following our divorce decree

If you answered “Yes” to “Are you afraid of your ex?”

If you are in danger, call 911. For safety planning, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 or text START to 88788.

Why: Safety comes first, and an advocate can help you plan before you contact your spouse or the court.

If you answered “Yes” to “Are you afraid of your ex?”

Don't make demands in person. If you contact your ex, do it only in writing, or skip the letter and go straight to the court. Follow any protective or no-contact order.

Why: The court can enforce the decree without you meeting your ex, and breaking a no-contact order can be a crime.

Read the decree and any settlement agreement. Write down exactly what your ex had to do and by when.

Why: The judge can only enforce what the order actually says.

Get a certified copy of the decree from the clerk.

Why: Banks, retirement plans, the county recorder and other courts usually need a certified copy.

Keep doing your own part of the decree, and don't hold back the children's time or child support because your ex is behind on something else.

Why: Courts usually treat these as separate issues, and you could end up in violation yourself.

If you answered “Child support or the parenting schedule” to “What isn't your ex doing?”

For unpaid child support, use the state child support agency and the card on child support not being paid. For problems with the parenting schedule, see the custody card.

Why: Child support has its own enforcement system with tools like wage withholding and tax refund offsets.

If you answered “No” to “Are you afraid of your ex?”

Send your ex a short written request that quotes the decree and gives a clear date to comply. Keep a copy and any reply. Use the letter on this card.

Why: Many courts expect you to try this first, and it becomes evidence for your motion.

If you answered “Paying alimony or money the decree orders” to “What isn't your ex doing?”

Make a list of every missed payment: due date, amount and what (if anything) was paid.

Why: You will need exact numbers for a motion or a money judgment.

If you answered “Paying debts the decree assigned to them” to “What isn't your ex doing?”

If a debt assigned to your ex is going unpaid, contact the creditor and keep records. Pay what you can to protect your credit if your name is on the account.

Why: The decree binds your ex, not the creditor: a lender can still collect from anyone whose name is on a joint debt.

If you answered “Splitting a retirement account (QDRO)” to “What isn't your ex doing?”

If the retirement split hasn't been done, contact the plan administrator for its QDRO requirements and send a proposed order to the court. If your ex refuses to sign, ask the judge to sign it anyway or order your ex to sign.

Why: Without a QDRO the plan won't pay you directly, and some plans have short deadlines after the decree.

Get your court's enforcement forms from the self-help center (often called a motion to enforce, or a request for order).

Why: A motion is how you tell the judge the order isn't being followed and ask for specific steps.

File the motion to enforce and serve it on your ex. Say what the order required, what your ex did or didn't do, what you tried, and exactly what you want the judge to order.

Why: The judge can order your ex to do something by a set date, add new rules, or award you costs in some states.

If you answered “Paying alimony or money the decree orders” to “What isn't your ex doing?”

To collect money, ask the court to turn the unpaid amount into a judgment. Then you can use collection tools such as wage garnishment and bank levies.

Why: For support, federal law allows garnishing up to 50-60% of disposable pay (65% if more than 12 weeks behind).

If you answered “Handing over or signing over property (house, car, belongings)” to “What isn't your ex doing?”

If your ex still won't hand over property or move out as ordered, ask the court about an order that lets law enforcement help (sometimes called a writ of assistance).

Why: Police usually won't act on a divorce order alone, but they can act on a writ the judge signs.

Courts suggest talking to a lawyer before asking for contempt. Contempt means willfully disobeying a court order; it can lead to fines or an arrest warrant (in Alaska, for example, a fine of up to $5,000), and the process can be complicated, with a hearing and sometimes a right to a jury trial.

Why: It is the strongest tool, and the judge decides whether the violation was willful.

If your ex files for bankruptcy, get legal advice quickly.

Why: Alimony and support can't be wiped out, and in Chapter 7 most other debts owed to an ex-spouse under a divorce decree can't be either; Chapter 13 has different rules.

If you answered “Yes” to “Does your ex now live in another state?”

If your ex lives in another state, ask the clerk or legal aid which route fits. A support order (including spousal support) can be registered in the other state under the Uniform Interstate Family Support Act (UIFSA); that state then enforces it like its own order but can't change the amount while one of you still lives in the state that issued it. A money judgment from your decree can usually be filed in the other state as an out-of-state (foreign) judgment before you collect there. The court that issued your decree may also still enforce it.

Why: Every state has adopted UIFSA for support orders; other money judgments follow each state's foreign-judgment rules, and the forms and fees differ.